The Evening Star: Release Yourself From Fear Of The Future

Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth ~ Pema Chodron

This morning I am a plane to Los Angeles, heading into a weekend full of oracle & unknowns, bang, bang, bang . . . AND THEN on Monday leaving early for Indonesia, where, to be honest, I barely have a whisper of what I am doing . . .

I am going to be honest with you. It feels CRAZY & VULNERABLE to be jumping right into the void right now.
Though some of you may think of me as a bit of a super human, I’m not actually.

I have had more than a few moments in the last couple of weeks, where I felt like collapsing, at least for a few heartbeats, tears were readily available . . 

But here is the thing, I have been trained to persevere in chaos. Finally after years of heavy lifting & practice, I have this second nature that sets in when things start flying around.

The voice inside:

“This is when you pray”
“Go deep, tether to the center of the earth”
“Keep your focus”
“On the other side of chaos is what you can’t see now”

And, most importantly: “Be there for others who can’t see yet.”

So here I am my beloveds. We got this & I got you.

In all your recalibrating in the last weeks, perhaps you have gazed up into the night sky for solace & noticed Venus burning so bright as the Evening Star.

She is so gorgeous.

Rising at dusk & staying with us in those  early evening hours, she continues.

She is at her brightest right now & she holds many keys to the gateway of what it means to ask for love & certainly what it means to receive.

We will have her leading us in this way  until March 15
when she will leave us to descend to the underworld & return as the Morning Star late March & bright through April.

Throughout this month, Venus as the evening star will become slower, more direct & deliberate as she prepares for her descent. More mature & worldly wise, she has survived a rough patch of confrontation.

It is hard to stand front & center as a vessel of love, vulnerable, exposing her true self, sans masks & amour,
showing to the Gods & all of us what she is truly made of.

I feel her. And I feel all of you in your spectrum of the masculine & feminine, all of you lovers, in your compassion & feeling nature right now, with all the swells of extreme emotion out there.

As I said above, we got this & I got you.

Last year, I was in a extremely deep meditation & I received the epiphany that my heart was a pump, & MORE than just pumping my blood, it was a purifier for much emotional static, grief & anguish, loneliness & more . . . not just my own & not just my clients, but rather in the larger populace.

A pump that went into action when emotions rose to an unhealthy level, an automatic filter.

At first it was a bit overwhelming, but then I realized that this was being shown to me to wake me up, to give me a little bit more agency & a slight bit more control. So I could rest when I needed to. I could opt out from time to time.

I believe that many of you are filtering this energy as well.
Perhaps you already know it & already know some tricks.
In case, you are aware but somehow believe you need to be always at the ready . . . I am giving you permission to keep a practice that you can handle.

I am a bit repetitive here but please . . . ultra self-care.

This is what it means to be effective. This is what it means to be a leader. I need all of you in my crew so it would be lovely if you took care of yourselves.

I love you.
Hold your focus.
Be a reservoir of love.

This week I offered my Love Mastery Practice a one minute (or so) Meditation on Relieving Anxiety.  I want to gift it to you.

Replenish. Rebuild. Faith. Trust. Love.

Clear the path before your heart so the Divine can meet you there.

The Subtle Activism of the Moon

“When adversity hits you you think God has abandoned you. My God! What are you going to do? I tell you. Adversity only hits you in life to pull you out of attachment where you are confined”

~Yogi Bhajan

“People facing much harsher conditions than we are didn’t give up & that’s an important lesson”

~ Noam Chomsky

Here we are my angels ~ coming up for air  after an extra long dark moon this week . . .

I am not speaking {just} metaphorically ~ the term dark moon describes the period that the moon is invisible against the backdrop of the Sun in the sky.  It can be as simple as just the day
of the New Moon, but this week it was almost 3 days long.

I don’t think there is probably any sentient being on the planet that didn’t feel their share of darkness this week. It is interesting to realize we were missing that lunar glow as well: the mother, the continuity of nature’s cycles, beginning middle & end.

In the time before these things were documented in scientific form,
it appeared as if perhaps the moon was never coming back.

When the light returned, even the slightest glimmer *(which should be tomorrow night) it was perceived as a miracle.

The High Road: How To Bless Yourself This Full Moon

By now you have all successfully passed through the turbulent straits of this morning’s Cancer Full Moon. Hope you had a good breakfast because the waters are going to stay rocky for a few days.

The Wake of these times is wide.

The Cardinal Crossthat included that powerful moon this morning

*the perfect cross of 4 planets in the cardinal, aka seasonal signs, of Aries (spring), Cancer (summer), Libra (fall) & Capricorn (winter) ~ (Moon in Cancer, Jupiter in Libra, Uranus in Aries & Sun in Capricorn)

was the ignition of a hot wave of rebellion, sexual transformation, within & without, & overwhelming desire of  the soul for freedom that will carry us through to the end of  next September. Considering the current state of affairs on the planet right now, I am sure many of you are muttering some version of Thank God.

Thank God, indeed.

We have been given a huge opportunity to surf this massive wave of change & to ride it, hopefully synchronously & powerfully together.

Together being the operative term.

Now, more than ever before we need to be together, in love, on all levels. And although you know I believe Only Love is Real . . . .  I also believe that Love is Difficult.

No, not always. But when a crisis or several are in play, & the desire for sexual & spiritual expression & authenticity are ignited, the need for communication in Love is paramount.

And in order to balance love, freedom, spirit, rock & roll & sex . . . You gotta be centered.

A few days before the Full Moon (ooops, whaaaa, that was just this morninggggggg) Mercury went direct after being retrograde through the holidays (December 19 ~ January 8).

There are two options after a Mercury Retrograde:
~ do nothing (I’m tired)
~ or reassess, readjust plans & goals & move forward (I can do this)

It is best to be open-minded in this planning. If you think you have all the intel, especially if you think you are one of the only people who has the intel, it’s time for a little pause (or a lot), some self reflection. One of the keys to this transition is to realize that every single  person you are dealing with, from your lover to the guy in the car that just cut you off, is doing the same deep internal work AND it probably has nothing to do with you.

Yep, even your beloved’s inner landscape doesn’t include you all the time.

It’s ok. Let it go. It will give you more room to be yourself.

Another moment of gratitude. On my knees before the Jupiter/Uranus opposition, strong now (right in the middle of the Grand Cross this morning/today with the Full Moon) & in & out of play through October of this year

I will repeat: Love is at the middle of the revolution.

The Aries/Libra axis at play here is the very definition of Love ~  do I put myself first or do I put the collaboration with the other, at the highest meaning of that collaboration, first?

The answer is both.

A riddle: In what realms are You & the Lover one?

Answer: Sex & Spirit.

Once again, this is the arena for revolution. It is unfortunate that the skills  to participate in these arenas are rarely innate. Oh no, correction, they were potentially innate at birth when we parted the veil between dimension, perfectly one with every other member of humanity. For most of us, the road since birth has been one of obfuscation & denial of this birthright, mostly by others who had been equally denied (i.e. our parents, their parents, & their parents before them ~ compassion, compassion, forgiveness).

Many of you are already feeling the need for this healing & have taken steps to unform these cultural realities & peel away layers to find your original self. In the face of the current rigors, I am encouraging, in addition to your other practices, a simple meditation to tonify your Second Chakra, the Sex Chakra, all on your own.

Maybe not as much fun as working it out with someone else, but a lot easier to keep your focus. The payoff will be great, I promise.

It is important here to understand the relationship between The Second (Sex) Chakra &  The Sixth (Third Eye) Chakra.

This Sexual/Spiritual landscape is different for each of us, particularly depending on our gender identification. On the more feminine end of the spectrum, the 2nd Chakra works more intuitively. Those with a more feminine reality literally hold the doorway between life & death within our bodies. This threshold works as a magnet, drawing in energies & sensations. The more powerfully identified someone is with the feminine, the bigger the magnet. Sometimes it becomes hard  to differentiate, whose sensation & energy is whose.

On the more masculine end of the sexual field, the emphasis is on processing, creating, manifesting something with this incredible electric energy. Sometimes this innate desire to  collect & build
moves extremely quickly, particularly when protection & stability are at risk (like, um, NOW). This sense of urgency can lack finesse or subtlety.

I am sure this is all familiar, though gender assignation is obviously far more illusive than just the physicality of our bodies.

That said, the boot camp for today, in order to begin to bring
this beautiful energy into the top form necessary for these times, involves an intentional movement of Second Chakra energies
up into the Spiritual intuitive center of the Sixth (Third Eye) Chakra,
where that deep connection to another has the ability to grow in a more neutral, sophisticated, non-judgmental perspective.

You can still enjoy the body of course.

Actually the travel up the center line of the body, either the spine, central channel or chakra energy centers, is highly pleasureable.

For now, keep the intention. Keep your focus.

You can just begin practicing by imagining arousal & connection, locating it in your belly, (place your hands either on your belly or in front, parted about 5 inches apart) & playfully, with a spark of joy (again imagine if you are not feeling it), & then move the energy upward. Spend some time cultivating & enjoying the energy at your Third Eye too.

There are many more ways to cultivate this skill. Feel free to write me. I would be happy to be your guide. Who knew that getting through the needle eye of the Kali Yuga would be so intriguing?

(image: Jose Garcia Chibbaro)

No Apologies & No Bullshit: The Anti-Resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions.

Yep. We love them. We hate them. Full of expectation & self-doubt & a fussy negotiation with the now . . .  but what are you going to do. There are many that find this particular day of reckoning a fairy arbitrary portal of newness ~ after all we just passed into the light a mere 10 days ago, but however you look at,  with the seeds dreaming deep, deep, deep in the earth & people everywhere are craving a bright & shiny horizon, there is always time to start over . . 

I love to talk to the spirits when all is still & everyone is asleep but I also love love love to pray when everybody & their grandma is praying, like surfing a big wave. Why not? Let’s ride that new dawn. The hairs on my neck are standing up already.

This is the thing ~ the last 5 years (or more) have been the equivalent of putting everything you have: your life right now & all your past lives, your karma & ancestral trail, your beliefs, your dreams, your loves, your secrets, in high-speed blender & sometime ~ yes it is coming!!!! in 2017 when that blender is going to stop.

If you get quiet inside, you can feel it already.

The absolute only way to move forward is get excited.

What will be there when the wild ride stops? Who will we be?

Surprise. Magic. Perfect. Promise.

Here is your no-fail, no bullshit, crib sheet for New Year’s Anti~Resolutions.

I have posted them here for the last 3 years or so & I still hold to them. They are like my 6 Agreements. Like an onion skin, year after year they form my life, preparing for freedom:

1.  No more apologies.

I mean it. STOP. RIGHT. NOW. That thing you were doubting, that mistake you thought you made, that was you. There was a message, a story, a lesson there. Learn it.

2. No more lying.

Tell the truth. That thing that is hiding out in the shadows, that keeps you up at night ~ clean that shit up right now. There will be no more need for apology.

3. Be less available. 

(controversial I know, feel how much you resist that)

Who would miss you if you were gone? Who are your lovers? I know it’s kind of a maudlin parlor game to wonder who would come to your funeral but I mean it ~ take a moment to feel in your cells who would truly miss you if you disappeared. The juice of you. The truth of you. Let the rest of it go & see what it feels like.

4. No comparison.

“No one is superior, no one is inferior, but no one is equal either. People are simply unique, incomparable. You are you. I am I.”
~ Osho.

5. Stay in the wonder.

Stay in it. It is truly amazing, this life. Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.

6. Be ferocious.

Be wild.  It suits you.

I feel better already.

(image: james mowry)

The Waning of Light, Standing Rock & Your Personal Waters

I consider every one of you medicine family, & in that community, I am sure there is not a heart out there that hasn’t been broken a hundred times over or more by the courage, persistence, vision & beauty of The Standing Rock Resistance Movement.

We are all so lucky to be born at a time when this example of ancient & yet so modern prayer is at the forefront of the global consciousness.

Thank you Water Protectors & all that have supported this prayer either in North Dakota or in their hearts.

I am deep in a project that will further unite our prayers in this regard ~ for surely the need for prayer & resistance & courage
is hardly over ~ but for today, in the light of this flickering,
mutable Super Moon (& as we approach the gorgeous gravitas of the Solstice) I would like to take the moment to speak of WATER IS LIFE as it resonates within our personal waters: blood, tears, sweat, emotions, connection.

In this age of social media (particularly in my enthusiastic method of sharing) I am sure it has not gone unnoticed that I went on an extraordinary journey to Alaska this Fall &, indeed, did fall in love.

It was lovely. My heart broke open in a million ways. It didn’t work out. No one’s fault, just the nature of things. Heart broke open more.

No need to explain, we have all been there.

The depths of my contemplation around this heartbreak, however, has coincided with the heightened awareness of my personal connection to the frontline at Standing Rock ~ medicine brothers & sisters waking up each day in the depths of that continuous prayer, not just for the easement of the pipeline & the protection of the water supply but in the deep prayer for the militarized police force
right in front of them daily, shining interrogation worthy lights on top of them, spraying them down with the very waters they were protecting in the freezing cold, blizzards on their way.

It is in honor of  this prayer for the transgressors, prayers for those oppressors we find ourselves up against, all of us, in a daily way,
that I present this newsletter in the face of this huge moon, full of illusion.

How is your heart broken today? What is the heart break that is touching  you the most deeply, intimately? Take a moment right now to peer into the separation between you & them. Feel the separation, the duality, the inconsolable otherness.

In your mind get on your knees in front of them.

A Gemini Full Moon can be a cluster fuck.

I do believe that every Zodiac sign is royal & perfect as it is, no exceptions.

It is only our human discomfort that a Moon or Astral aspect  is seen as bad luck.

This Full Moon upon us  is filled with what feels like way too much information & yet it the true potential is that of a psychic portal
with answers you seek right there in front of you, if you can quiet down your storm inside.

Take a look again at your personal heartbreak right now. What do you feel separate from? Where do you feel abandoned, without a tether. Where is it that you feel the most desire for connection.

Be clear. Write down what you need. Take your time to see it
clearly in front of you. Be aware of the Gemini confusion & ask for strength to streamline your prayers  IN THE LIGHT  of all the psychic downloads.

You can do it. I am here with you.

If we say “Water is Life” & we truly mean it, then we must respect these internal waters (blood, sweat, tears & what they carry, emotion the desire for connection & care) . . .  We must be wary of toxins, poisons & how we allow this internal ‘fracking’ of ourselves to take place.

When I was staring into my personal heartbreak the weekend the vets were arriving  at Standing Rock  & the December 5th eviction was looming, I was lucky enough to get  some divine counsel in  How to Deal with a Broken Heart:

1) Do not blame anyone for not being able to show up for love.
2) It is a sign of disrespect to make an  assumption about anyone else’s life, even if they appear evil & particularly if you know them well.
3) Compassion (for me this took the form of  an intentional Metta prayer every time I reeled & bucked & wanted to punish someone,
anyone, for my heartbreak ~ this prayer was specifically: May you be happy, May you be well, May you be safe, May you be peaceful & at ease).
4) I was also instructed to pray for everyone who were not able to show up for love & for the people who loved them (HUGE)

All of this went down internally in the face of watching those Water Protectors kneel with their smudge & feathers on the frontline & also a day later, watching the Veteran crew bow down in front of  Tribal Elders.

I will stop here. I love you. Please be in touch.

A Respite From Spiritual Paralysis: Neptune Goes Direct

The last time I wrote you, wow, the world looked totally different.

The power of our communal energy.

We all experienced that wave of disappointment, disillusionment, fear . .  wherever you were on that spectrum, we all were together, a tsunami of community. We are still in it. Some of us still blinky eyed.

Where do we go from here?

On Sunday, November 19, Neptune will go direct after being retrograde since June 13. What does that mean?

Here is a brief review of the retrograde phenomenon:

Retrograde is when a planet appears to be going backward due to the planet’s relationship with the Earth’s movement.

When a planet is retrograde it DOES NOT mean bad luck.

It only means that the planet does not operate in expected ways, & there are many curve balls, kinks in the system. I believe that the retrograde period with any planet is a time when things are slowed down & repeated three different ways (direct, retrograde & then direct again all over the same segment of your chart or life) SO THAT WE GO DEEPER, SO THAT WE UNDERSTAND IN A DIFFERENT WAY.

The Beloved is doing their best to show us something.



When I say direct, I mean in a forward, clear motion. Often when a planet is operating directly, we often take it for granted, things going as usual. Then suddenly, the planet stops in it’s tracks, the retrograde, & it turns around & deals with the same material, the same life issues, in unexpected, disorienting ways.

Sometimes we feel stuck. Sometimes we feel out of control. Sometimes we get tired of working on the same thing, over & over.

When the planet goes direct again, we are relieved. Yes. Questions are answered. Knots untied.

Flow is restored, & often in a very powerful way.

Back to Neptune:

Neptune is a slippery slope. On the one hand it is the sea in which we all swim together. It is the true home of “In Lak’ech” the traditional Mayan greeting, “I am another you.”

Oneness. A lack of otherness. A lack of duality.

In a Neptunian reality, the terms conditional & unconditional do not exist in terms of love.

There is only love.

Neptune is one of the outer planets. It was first discovered in 1846, not because they could see it ~ there were no telescopes sophisticated enough at that time, but there was evidence that Uranus, the planet of revolution & abrupt change, was being “tugged” off course by a large mass. Through mathematics & abstract calculations scientists were able to conceptualize Neptune.

I bring this up because these outer powerful  energies, intense spiritual energies that were discovered after the Industrial Age, are hard for us to absorb. They feel overwhelming, too big for our human existence.

We resist.

In that resistance, it is common to prefer the disturbed version of the planetary energy than the pure direct energy, to feel it is more natural no matter how many problems that incurs.

In other words, it is hard to be one with everyone, hard to live in that beautiful limitless psychic space of love.

It has somehow begun to feel unreasonable, perhaps even causing one to feel too fragile to live. We can sign up for the idea of it, but living it seems complicated at every turn.

Things are about to change here.

Not everything is easy. In fact, when things are difficult, we pay more attention. In the long run, we do it better because we had to try harder.

Symptoms of Neptune retrograde include (again, ending tomorrow):

 intensified substance addiction (including food, work & sex)

 taking on other people’s energies without realizing it (or being addicted to this kind of negative connection, reverse “In Lak’ech”)

 overwhelming delusional thoughts,

 living in hope & not in reality

 intense passivity & lethargy

It does not mean that the time has been wholly negative.

It is just that there may be  distinct possibility  of being TOO spiritually open & pourous, TOO sensitive, actually TOO intuitive.

Your psychic skin has been way too thin the last few months (do you think???) & as a matter of fact, YOUR psychic skin has been way too thin at the same time as EVERYONE else’s . . .

The positive side of this is that we have been touched by Grace  so deeply in the last months. The Grace of the Divine has been working on us in our seeming paralysis. We have been so sluggish, it grabbed hold of us, held onto us, imprinted in every cell.

Is this madness or salvation? It depends on how deeply you believe.

If you need help believing in a sense of Divine order at this chaotic &, some may say,troubled time in history, lean on me.

I am here. And I believe.

Neptune will stay direct until July 2017.

What you can expect in this time is a huge awakening ~ not in the paralyzing woo way that so many crave & almost nobody can handle
but in a way that can crystalize into new vision, new vision that can stand up to higher values & everything that a true, embodied experience of “In Lak’ech” ~ not just smooth talk, but deep listening,
respect in every transaction & walking your talk.

Do it now.

Turn around & act on  your lifetime knowledge of love as a higher force. Act on your vision.

Again, if you need more solid advice on how to change the world right now, give me a shout-out.

I am here & I believe.

(image: ana mendieta)

The Thinnest Veil of Love: Scorpio New Moon

Human is a blend of saint & soldier; this is a complete person. If you are not a soldier your sainthood will be kicked around. If you are only a soldier & not a saint, you will start kicking others around.

~ Yogi Bhajan

It is always important, in times like this  to remember that there are a million  love experiences everyday.

Yes. People love you. Maybe just not in the way you think. The way you expect.

And, of course, not only are people loving you, but the Beloved
is shining on you right now, so bright & strong & constant.

You can count on it.

Best you clear the way in front of you  & make some room for that love to arrive.

I know that it may be hard  to remember these things sometimes. My heart has been broken over & over again in the last months with what has been happening in Standing Rock. Yet one more situation where one is inspired to do what one can, where we are pushed to examine the extent of what we are physically capable of, how much we can go out of our comfort zone, how much we can truly understand another’s hardship, &, at least for me, how important it is to live as honorable a life as possible, the life that is right in front of me.

To walk tall, to love myself, to think myself worthy, to eat well, sleep well, speak well ~ of yourself, of others. How important it is to pray, to meditate, to listen, to receive.

In the light of the chaos & seeming darkness that has been swirling around, to merely sit with oneself, to merely love oneself, may feel frustrating or even powerless.

The desire to do, to fix, to somehow control heartbreak & disconnection can often feed the very stress response that causes much of the chaos & self-destructive behavior on the planet . . . 

It is important to take action, yes, but one must look at one’s motivations in “helping” ~ if the desire to help or fix  comes from a feeling of loss, grief or personal inadequacy, your actions may cause more confusion, more stress, or perhaps even hurt  the other.

I am speaking here more of our close relations than global ones, but it does help to consider this when you are feeling powerless about the larger events swirling around us.

Tomorrow (Sunday) is the Scorpio New Moon at 1:38 pm East Coast. It is the perfect time to take pause & make room for the Beloved to visit.

Today Venus squares Saturn, not the coziest of Venus transits. It is a lesson in the discipline of love: perhaps some hard lessons about boundaries & examining one’s intentions in asking for & receiving love.

This is an interesting thing to contemplate, that the urge to love, the desire to merge with another may have an ethic code. That merely having love in your heart does not ensure that your actions in riding this wave of open heartedness may always be appropriate, helpful or in sync with all those involved.

I am not implying that you limit the expression of  your heart, but rather that you cherish that expression so much that you value its power & worth that you practice impeccably. That self-care I referred to above. That you treat your ability to love as a precious gift & you make clarity & equanimity  a way of life.

That you pay attention. It is not always easy.

This is where the soldier in the saint soldier comes in. The discipline of love. Kinda PhD level. But to be that effective & capable with your love, is so worth it.

There is a famous quote:

Prayer is when you talk to God,
Meditation is when you listen to God.

On this weekend & into the beginning next week when the veil between the spirit realm is so thin ~  with the deep sage transparency of the New Moon, the whispers of the ancestors at Samhain & the Day of the Dead, it’s a really good time to listen.

Clear the way for some messages. Receive some otherworldly love. Soak it in.

Yes, pray. Yes, ask for help. Speak, express yourself if you need to. But do what you can to empty yourself. And listen. And listen more. Deep listening. Listening as if your life depended on it.

It makes a huge difference for all of us.

The Refugee Full Moon: How Much More Authentic Can You Be?

Sending a huge embrace on the this day of what has formerly been known as The Hunter Moon, as it is the very bright & heavy moon where many hunts have been led  for generations. Although many hunt during the day, it is this auspicious heavy moon where the true spiritual contract, heart to heart, is felt between Hunter & Hunted.

The blood contract.
The sacrifice.

It takes a balance of ferocity & surrender to even consider meeting the enemy in the dark.

If there is not an inherent bond there, a sense of one-ness, than the sacrifice of a life wastes blood & the energetic imbalance affects all. This is also true in war & in our current landscape of remote control war, the concept of this mirror  of what it means to meet on the battlefield is completely lost. Therefore the whole world, so much of it at war, is completely & totally out of balance.

What does this term enemy mean?

It is wherever you see other. Although those of us who spend at least half-time in the spirit realms experience many moments of shuniya & In Lak’ech, we would be lying, or at least I would, to say that we do not experience these moments of separation, of judgement, competition, disappointment or a multitude of other triggers.

This broken-heartedness creates an exponential build-up of more separation, perhaps even isolation.

It is through the ally of the Hunted & the Enemy that love is found.

It is not easy. It is not just words. It is not just intention. It actually depends on how much you are willing to allow yourself to both admit:

~ the extent to which you are suffering & have suffered
~ that you do not know the answer but you  are willing to give anything for a safe passage that is in heart alignment (i.e. will not cause another to suffer)
~ you are utterly humbled by these truths

This is the Aries Full Moon, the moon that has take the primal desire  for partnership that is inherent in the Libra New Moon (just 2 short weeks ago) & puts it in perspective that love is actually a no holds barred fight  for the continued existence that is fundamental to all natural life forms & processes.

To make a stand  for what one knows to be true, from the womb. Union.

THE FACTS

Tonight’s Full Moon is:

~ a large & heavy supermoon
~ conjunct with Uranus, planet of truth & revolution, not holding back on violence if necessary
~ conjunct with dwarf planet Eris, the ultimate dark goddess energy, even more powerful than Lilith, not afraid of the deepest strife  or discomfort, will untangle any trigger to the  brutal source in that name of resolution
~ also conjunct two fixed stars: Baten Koitos, also known as  The Belly of the Whale, a sleeping energy of superhuman strength, digesting many lifetimes of karma & Acamar or The End of the River, the resting ground of epochs of grief. longing & generational emotions.

Whoa.

How does this relate to the Hunter Moon? Why do I call it the Refugee Moon?

Because the conflux of the above energies is creating just that real & urgent a soup.

How much do you want to be free?

Es Tiempo Ja, Ja es Ahora.

Now.  Or stop complaining.

What you allow will continue.

I say this with all the tenderness I carry for myself & my children.

I will be deep in prayer tonight & will carry you all with me.

In Lak’ech mi amores.

Pisces Full Lunar Eclipse: When Your Life is More Important than Your Neurosis

“The infant lives in a non corrupted, blissful & erotic unity with all of nature. For all practical purposes, it’s awareness is transpersonal, timeless & spaceless. Very simply, its world is one of transcendent bliss . . . The infant’s earliest “identity” is literally with the cosmos itself . . .”

~ Ken Wilber

I am writing this on an airplane, in the last moments before letting go  of the tether of the internet  (& my phone) for the month.

No connectivity.

Yikes.

I want this. I have been praying for this.

The opportunity to be both less available
& potentially more available at the same time.

To truly explore my own spaciousness.
Truly explore the real stuff of connectivity.

Hmmmmm . . .  getting what you want is sometimes  a way different story than your daydreams & prayers. Sometimes you need to grow into it. Sometimes you use that growing as an excuse. Sometimes you gotta jump. Now. No time for philosophizing. Sink or swim.

We really all want to swim.  We all actually know how to swim. Really well. It is our natural code.

These next 10 days, find ways to throw yourself in the water. Make it joyful. Prepare yourself, if only by being awake & present & then jump with abandon.

Go. Go. Go.

This afternoon I land in Juneau, Alaska. Later tonight or tomorrow morning, I get in a seaplane into the wilderness to build a fire & stare into the Northern Lights & melt into the rest of my life . . .

My birthday is on the Equinox & that moment of grace  that exists there in the balance between light & dark is the moment of letting go.

Let it go.

Then batten down the hatches for take off, for the next level of maximum capacity acceleration. It’s just waiting for you.

An acceleration is occurring regardless of our choice. Evolution is evolution. Acceleration=Responsibility ~ Sandra Walter

This Pisces Full Moon & Penumbral Eclipse  brings a distinct & high(er) level of amplification & accelerated timelines.

Again, the concept of Karma burning is relevant. I have gotten many questions about this, so I will take a moment to explain:

It is prophesied in many traditions & also channeled by various channels with some gravitas that many generations of family karma from past lifetimes can be burned at this time. This is true for everyone but it is also true that in certain communities & families there is one person or at most a couple of individuals who are burning karma for the whole community/ family & often for many, many generations in the past & therefore for the generations coming. This is a huge honor but often separates one from the family, or at least it feels this way.

I have been doing a lot of work around this privately & also supporting many with tools/strategies/respite in this process.
This time can be one of a refreshed clearing  or one of anguished loss, probably a combination of both.  How you view the next 10 days, & more so, how you act on it, has a lot to do with how much & how well you have prepared yourself,  how much you want this beautiful life we have been given to flow in its natural & perfect progression, how much you can take the medicine of these times to release yourself from your neurosis, to truly believe, TO KNOW & TRUST that you are better off without your neurosis,  no matter how much it may seem like reality.

The subtle energy of the Penumbral Eclipse resonates on a more subtle energetic level than that of the Blood Moon Eclipses of the past couple of years.

You could possibly miss the key,  get lost in the drama & hyper sensitivity, if you do not act consciously, responsibly, accountably.

Those of you are already in your practices can use this liminal time to really finesse your way  (particularly in the more intimate arena between lovers, close friends, children, collaborators). You have practiced voicing your intentions. Now is the time to display your virtuosity: show up, listen, be love, be consistent,  speak with an open heart & as authentically as possible,  keep a prayer for union at your center.

Those of you who are not as deeply in your practice as you would like to be may experience the eclipse  as being jerked around randomly  (even those of us in our practice feel jerked around, no worries), but step closer & I’ll tell you a secret.

The willingness to change is something so powerful, that if you decide TODAY that you want to make the choice for alignment, purpose, & higher ground (love) . . . EVEN IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW  OR WHAT TO DO,  you can surf this wave with a good deal of grace. You just have to be willing. 

The Wilderness of Loving Yourself

“The stories we sit up late to hear are love stories. It seems we cannot know enough about this riddle of our lives. We go back to the same scenes, the same words, trying to scrape out the meaning. Nothing could be more familiar than love. Nothing else eludes us so completely. . . My search for you, your search for me, is a search after something that cannot be found. Only the impossible is worth the effort . . .

It has a wildness in it & a glory that we want more than life itself. Love never counts the cost, to itself or others, & nothing is as cruel as love. There is no love that does not pierce the hands and feet.

Merely human love does not satisfy us, though we settle for it. It is an encampment on the edge of the wilderness, & we light the fire & turn up the lamp & tell stories til night of those loves lost & won.

The wilderness is not tamed. It waits – beautiful & terrible – beyond the reach of the campfire. Now and again, someone gets up to leave, forced to read the map of themselves, hoping that the treasure is really there. A record of their journey comes back to us in note form, sometimes just a note in a dead man’s pocket.”

Jeannette Winterson
Power Book

Today is the last quarter of the current moon cycle.

The last quarter moon is a time of integration, of taking the time
to decide what to carry forward into the next lunar prayer cycle
(beginning on September 2) &, more importantly, what to leave behind from this current cycle (which began on Aug 2).

With many aspects to The Galactic Center this week, we are all quivering with  grand prophecy of our higher calling, or lack there of,
haunted by the desire to be even more effective, to be seen & be of service.

As you sort through these desires & provocations, be sure to pay attention to this:

Do not abandon yourself in order to become yourself.

You know what this means.

Stay in your integrity. When you are uncomfortable, either you are leaning into something or leaning away.

You are smart enough to know the difference.

Don’t abandon yourself. Love yourself.

Below, I am sharing a piece of writing  from a conceptual art piece of mine  from 10 years ago.

The project was called mettaartlove & it was a prayer performance that took place in gallery & museum spaces where work was being exhibited  by artists that I was hugely jealous of.  There were quite a few.

The idea was that, if I was jealous of their work, or more honestly,
their success, it was because, in my heart, I knew I was capable of what they were doing.

It was an opportunity for community.

After a year of being jealous of other artists & learning to love them, I realized that I was somewhat contemptuous of myself.

My successes & my faults. Both.

This was where the real work began.



THE WILDERNESS OF LOVING YOURSELF
(Dead Man’s Pocket)
2007



When I was much younger than my obsession with love, I lived in Brooklyn with my parents. We would visit the Central Park Zoo
& I loved the seal pool. I loved their hard slippery bodies, the way they slapped themselves down onto the platform, lifting their heads up to the sun, their cat-like whiskers moving as they sniffed at the air. I also loved the squirrels because they could run free & most of all I loved the helium balloons for all the obvious reasons. We all know what happens to them in The Great Outdoors. There nothing like buying a balloon for your child if you want to ensure some small amount of post traumatic stress.

One night about ten years ago, *(now 20 years ago)* I was looking for drugs. I’m not making excuses but I need to tell you that this was something I rarely did. It’s not that I don’t like drugs, particularly the kind I was looking for ~ the kind conducive for both random & focused loving ~ but I’m rarely shopping for them. I just wait for the accident that brings them my way.  & that usually keeps me out of trouble. But this night I was looking for the kind of loving (& drug participation) that works on obliteration, the doorway of compensation that causes you to forget what you are compensating for.

In my search for these drugs I ran across a drug dealer with a penchant for compassion & introspection. She was surprised to hear from me &, while trying to be helpful, she was curious as to my desperation.

Me (deciding to be honest): I need to connect.

DD: With who? Me?

Me: No not that kind of connection. You know, connect.

DD: You know this isn’t real.

Me: It doesn’t matter. It will feel good. I’m like a balloon that’s starting to float over the horizon.

DD: Don’t you want to see what’s on the other side? Some people never get that far.



MY SKIN IS ON FIRE

My skin is on fire. For some reason, particularly the skin that sits above my heart. Not from love, in this moment, but from overexposure to the sun. A life source that has increased in intensity
in my lifetime and yours. Although it was once nourishing it now could be seen as dangerous. This health warning is one that fills some with fear & others with denial & recklessness. I am one of the latter, obviously.

I’m sitting by the ocean in a little shack & despite all attempts to soak up the sun & listen to the ocean absorbing the glistening light fragments into my heart like love, I am full of anxiety. I was given the gift of this shack by one friend & the time and money to enjoy it by another, because they love me, of course. This is beautiful. Also, because they believe in me as an artist.

Love, however lost in my own cavernous heart, often seems like an expectation, unfortunately. If you are an artist, you know how this feels. An invitation ~ a glistening body of water on a really hot day or a week stretched in front of you with endless time to write can become the ravenous roiling sea with animals as big as 10 or 100 times yourself that either inhale their body weight in search of food or devour it mercilessly in a hunger for blood, a hunger unfathomable to even the most passionate among us.

The gaping mouth of the page.

I have no one to be jealous of today, no one to resent, no rent to heal,
not with another artist anyway, at least not at this moment. I haven’t even glanced at anyone else’s work in months or read an art magazine. I haven’t had time. I had three successful engagements this spring, was paid to love the world & I was royally cared for, put up in hotels, fed and fawned over. I fell in love with people as an act of durational art in one hour time slots, one person at a time for sometimes up to 8 hours a day, after which I would run on the heady steamy til late in the evening, going out to dinner, in conversation,
walking the streets late of whatever city I happened to be in.

I am so very very lucky. Don’t think I don’t know it.

One night in London, while talking about what we are doing here, this mettaartlove & about working my heart past the fear and resentment of artists I envy, a woman across the table from me leaned over & asked me if I was finished now, now that someone out there could be resenting me, seemingly all glamorous & taken care of, paid for. I took this a compliment. But, of course, I still didn’t feel like I was there yet.

That’s why I am here.
More metta.
Help me.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE GOOD

I love as art and it looks like this. I make a cozy and/or seductive environment in a public space, could be a lobby of a hotel or theater, a department store, a gallery or museum. There is usually only room for two, maybe you can squeeze in another person if they are well behaved. I will love anyone that crosses that threshold, that sits in that chair. It’s not as hard as it sounds, especially compared to sitting here & writing about it.

It’s only an hour after all. There is a natural momentum that carries you through, even if it can be very very trying, like when you are loving someone who, on first presentation, appears difficult to love, who makes your heart cranky & sticky immediately.

Actually this is actually a very complex & busy time ~ to love someone you don’t like is hard work & you need to pay attention, you can’t sleep through it or phone it in. There is a lot to do . . you make the tea, but first you have to build the fire, you know what I mean.

I find it hard to love myself because I feel like I need to be productive. I feel like I need to be productive because I am afraid of not being held by the world.



AVAILABLE TO EVERYONE

There are two kinds of flow: the flow that is available to everyone & then the flow that is also & available to everyone.

Let’s break it down. The first flow, available to everyone, is the teaser. This is play. We all had it sometime as a kid, no matter how miserable we were. It is like pretending but we think it is real. That is why it is effortless, because we just do the next seemingly normal thing. If we decide to be a princess, pirate, robber, troll that is what we would normally do next. Of course. And then we joyfully do it,
even if it causes us to automatically snicker in a villainous way.

Then, also of course, we forget how to play & we become self-conscious. This is called growing up. The self-consciousness is so normal, just like my awkwardness in front of the open page. Just like the pit in my stomach when I slow down. Like the tiny repetitive inverted negative space that formed the shivers up my spine when I connect, but the opposite.

Growing up is the other kind of flow that is available to everyone,
but we don’t recognize it. It feels like loneliness or abandonment. We are floating over the horizon. And the weird thing is, we are all doing it together, even though it feels alone.

Love is like this too. We get so crazy about someone & everything appears effortless. Then later we scrape ourselves together, loving like looking in a meticulous mirror.

I can get that crazy in my love appointments too, in the best of situations. I can ride the infatuation by just letting someone into me so totally that I don’t have to think about anything else. We’re tripping over each other on our way to God. My intoxication becomes yours & we are on a lightning bolt through the cosmos. Hour after hour. So beautiful.

So special together, sometimes after we part, I forget: I am you & we were perfect long before we started.

Thank you.

with Kathe Izzo